So, suggest positive alternatives that could help them to feel less negative. 7 Comebacks for Dealing With A Complainer Get them to move on from the complaint by talking about other things going on in the office. The negative impact chronic complainers have on those around them can be understood through the phenomenon of, Learn more about how to manage difficult emotions and behaviours in AHRIs Applied Emotional Intelligence, Have the courage to start a transparent and open conversation which you can only do when theres, that allows them to talk about the behaviour without it being personal., Foster a positive culture through team-bonding and positive reinforcement exercises. Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. When you hear the constant whiner at work share his gripe, press him for a solution. Time to detach yourself and end the conversation! We all want our vote to count and our voice to matter. Dalai Lama. Talk to them about their problems & triggers and help them. Now for the fun part. You can say "I love you and want to help, but I'll not just stay here and listen to how bad things are. is a great, get-to-the-point whine stopper. The negative impact chronic complainers have on those around them can be understood through the phenomenon of emotional contagion. Sometimes the only result is to let them go, says Kettle. For instance if #5 is true for you, you could also be suffering from impostor syndrome (I am still battling this). No matter what you say or do, the chronic complainer won't cheer up. Think of all the times when you're saying "It's not that bad" was met with a "Well, it is! Being a Chronic Complainer Exhausts You Mentally and Physically The only thing in life that can make us special is our willingness to overcome our drama to live our best lives. Are you constantly expressing dissatisfaction, discontent, resentment and negativity about life, versus being happy, helpful, and positive about your surroundings? There is no reason for you to waste your time with someone who is constantly making you unhappy. Ever notice how two people can experience the same thing and have opposite responses? Lately, Ive just been saying, I dont know what to say, when he complains to me about something. Leadership Freak by Dan Rockwell is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.Based on a work at leadershipfreak.wordpress.com. Therefore, although they tell others about their problems all the time, they are not really looking for advice or solutions. They are surrounded by Debbie Downers. She complained about an enormous number of things, but she was also deeply unhappy with her life. It sounds so simple, but I had my epiphany that I didnt have to be negative when faced with less than ideal circumstances. Here Are 7 Ways To Deal With Difficult Coworkers. Your email address will not be published. Bonus: Read The No Complaining Rule by Jon Gordon. Sick of the chronic complainer? Here's how to fix their behaviour You focus on mistakes like hogs focus on slop. While its wise to disengage from the behaviour itself, dont disengage from the person, urges Silver. Before chronic complaining escalates into a bigger problem, there are a few preventative strategies that can be put in place: document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Sometimes the only result is to let them go, says Kettle. How to Manage Chronic Complainers in the Classroom? Whenever you feel youre complaining, focus on the things youre grateful for. 6. If you find yourself having the signs mentioned above, its time to make a complaint cleanse and seethe things in a different light. Compliments embarrass you. Lastly, if you try out all the ways to deal with such Debbie Downers, but nothing works out. They focus on mistakesand have a negative perspective instead of focusing on the brighter side of thesituation. As we look ahead to the future, its crucial for HR professionals to Dust off your resume, sharpen your interview skills, and explore the crme de la crme of highest paying HR jobs. As the quote by John Kuebler alluded to above, your answer to this question has the power to predict your future. There are some people who seem to never be happy about anything in life: they could be friends, relatives, co-workers, you name it. And nothing makes chronic complainers happier than being more miserable than their friends. What is a chronic complainer doing to our brains? Complaining isn't an intervention-worthy problem, but if your friends are keeping it real with you, they are likely going to mention that you like to complain. Leaders point out dark in order to pursue bright. They think life is especially harsh for them because of bad luck or honestly think problems are too huge for them to handle. We all know the expression, misery loves company. If necessary, call out the behavior. For it, try out your best to leave them on their own and let them stay in their negative ambiance. We use other peoples cues to work out what our current state is. If they say, "10!" When they complain, try to listen instead of convincing them to be more positive and stop being negative all the time. 2. By using this service, some information may be shared with YouTube. This is especially true if the complainer is in the workplace or part of a team. | Everything you do on them drains your own mental wellbeing. Just by looking at a picture of a facial expression! Today's workers may reject three lies about work and embrace one truth: We write our own stories. How to Deal with Chronic Complainers - Psychology Today However, the reality is, you won't get the world's greatest responses just yet. Don't allow the complaint to become a reality for you. They want an outlet to let it all out and for them, complaining and finding flaws in things and people is that outlet. Here are some common signs of a chronic complainer that will help you: A person who complains each time and has a negative outlook keeps the friends with the same perspective. Do's. Do listen. Even with performance management, with all avenues explored, being a chronic complainer isnt grounds for a valid dismissal. One way leaders can stop the habit of complaining is by intentionally changing their focus. The last compliment you gave happened when Fred Flintstone was Mayor of Bedrock. In a world where you can be anything, be kind to yourself and to others. Either way, you win. In other words, they complain excessively because they believe they have ample reason to do so. Is it possible that your actions are causing them to feel unheard? 3 Highly Effective Ways to Deal with a Chronic Complainer at Work Get the help you need from a counsellor near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Writing down your complaints in a gratitude notebook rather than venting to people is also recommended. Providing acknowledgment can potentially halt the need to continue their negative rhetoric. How to Deal with Chronic Complainers - Lifehacker Then support each other to make sure the good behaviours are reinforced and the bad ones are called out and worked on together to change.. Also, when you see that person coming, instead of sneering and "leaking" out your contempt, do an eyebrow flash. If the complainer keeps complaining about the same subject, its helpful to change the subject of conversation. Engaging a complainer in a deeper conversation about the emotions driving their behaviour can be daunting, but Silver encourages leaning into the fear, rather than responding to the behaviour alone. There are some strategies you can implement to deal with their constant negativity without letting it affect your own peace of mind. 7 Tips for Dealing with Chronic Complainers Your typing is too loud for them. This tactic will save you from the argument, and itd be helpful for their mental health. Beating yourself up is a sport. Key Question #3 [and answer this honestly]: Are you happy, really? In other words, they want you to validate their experience, to tell them that indeed their glass was chipped, that, yes, they were given tap water rather than bottled water and that, in fact, they should probably get a good night's sleep so they can ward off whatever germs were embedded in that smudge on the rim. % of people told us that this article helped them. Addressing the issue of chronic complaining is vital to prevent long-term effects. They see everything other than themselves as not good enough and dont see any positives. Emotions are 100 per cent transferable, says Silver. They need to decide whether they can be happy in their jobs because simply complaining about everything is not a solution. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. If that happens, explain briefly that complaining won't solve the problem either: "Well, complaining won't make it any better. Your inner critic is your best friend. If you complimented on her something, youd receive a negative response. This is easier to do. Stop complaining about anything for 24-hours straight. It might even sound silly to an analytical mind. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Practical Strategies for Handling Chronic Complainers in Your Life How to Deal When Your Spouse Complains But the sweet spot probably lies somewhere in between. THESE are the 5 zodiac signs who are always complaining You'll get them there, I promise even if you have to psychologically "drag" them, kicking and screaming. Reframe the issue. What are the signs that you're a chronic complainer? Dealing with a Chronic Complainer in a Specific Situation, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1b\/Be-Comfortable-Around-Strangers-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Comfortable-Around-Strangers-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1b\/Be-Comfortable-Around-Strangers-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/aid529773-v4-728px-Be-Comfortable-Around-Strangers-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"