While telling him your problem just say I know its long distance which makes it hard for the both of us but I feel like I wanna talk to you more, and it worries me that you're always drinking and im afraid that there might be another girl out there. Learn About What to Expect's Pregnancy & Baby App. Is it normal? Make sure he understands the sacrifices both of you are going to need to make. At least that way we feel less guilty about killing a bottle of wine on a Wednesday. Your husband is in his 30s so hes most likely built up a tolerence for his alcohol consumption and if hes looking to get a slight buzz 1 beer isnt going to do it for him. I agreethis sounds like it might be a compatibility issue. New Season Prophetic Prayers and Declarations [NSPPD] || 6th - Facebook Just from my perspective, thats a lot of drinking. But its not like we would go kissing others anyways but just saying my boyfriend has a guys thing with his friends every monday night. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. Is it normal for my boyfriend to only come over at night? - Quora Wouldn't you like to draw a nice warm bubble bath, pour yourself a generous glass of wine and indulge in the few hours of home alone-ness that him watching the game with his buddies affords you? He did not answer until 5 am, and i was a bit mad that he couldnt take 30 seconds to do that. Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total), This topic has 14 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated, This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by. Make out you are. The best you can do is talk about this with your boyfriend, and be honest about the way you feel when he goes out with his friends, Im sure he is going to offer some ways u can feel better, maybe he can text you what he is doing, hows the whole thing going and sending you a message at the time he arrives home in order you can sleep without feeling anxious. I know its bad to see those isntastories just to see if hes with another girl or something, but doing this makes me less anxious. He has never done anything to raise my jealousy or made me feel like i was less, i just feel like that because of me. Part of being in a healthy stable relationship is also about being able to openly communicate. A few slurred hey baby I'm OKs are not too much to ask. we are both in our early 30s, living together for two years. I asked exactly that question, but he said we can take a taxi I so agree with you that he should be sober now in my last weeks. When you feel jealous- you feel you are a bad person for feeling jealous. Can you tell me more about these blankets, I too suffer from anxiety and think they could help. They only want to try it more. I understand about the anxiety when your loved one goes away, though mine is the feeling that I am alone if something weird goes wrong (break in, fire, water pipe bursts, etc.). Ive seen my parents drinking habits and how it can gradually become a problem and 4-5 beers 3-4 nights a week does not make him an alcoholic. Even if it is immaturity, it isnt a good sign that hes still so immature. Additionally, it hes leaving you behind 3-4 nights per week to go out with other people and drink, youre not really that central in his life. - Quora. Or am I just being silly? this has been posted a long time ago and i hope you're not with him anymore. You know when you are dating someone who cares and you know when you are dating a player. the next morning he said he was wasted with a bunch of his friendsand hes not the type to cheat on a girl, but who know what can happen when their drunk you know? As your girlfriend, shouldnt you be able to discuss those concerns with your boyfriend without worry of how he labels you? @Mainer Alcoholics would be drinking seven nights a week. That is not true and a common misconception about alcoholism. Not an easy thing to do, but possible, over time, with work and with help. But also acknowledge, as others have said, that you cant assume someone will change. SOLUTION: More understanding of his situation. I never expected much because I knew the type of person I was dating. Then I eat whatever the heck I want while watching a new TV series/anime/movie. I stayed up all night worried about him, pissed off at him, pissed off at myself for putting up with it, etc. -Dave-. I DO think asking him to cut all alcohol for the sake of any potential future children is a bit much, especially you cant talk to him about his drinking now due to fears about being labelled a party pooper and controller. No one thinks they are going to become an alcoholic. And second you need to accept the person and stop trying to change them.Ok so you have no children, not married, and he spends time with you (enough that you are not complaining about it), and the only issue is he drinks. What happens, is as women, we tend to put our boyfriends and relationship on a pedestal and I realize it and romanticize it. If the LW were to approach him in a non threatening manner and ask him to cut back that would be one thing but Im getting she wants it to stop for her comfort and that is controlling. 2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 He was drunk and he is supposed to go to work in the morning. As a man myself, let me tell you there are few things more fury-inducing than asking your buddies out and seeing them walk in with their girlfriends fastened to their sides unannounced. My boyfriend tends to go out every night he can but its not for the booze. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. You will soon see a brand new person, full of life, self esteem..you will have less time wondering and worrying yourself miserable about your boyfriend. When he normally calls and then he doesn't is when he is out having fun. Men do get their shit together when they are forced to. When something goes wrong- you think it was your fault. My kuwait he text me day and night but no telphone call. Im more likely to drink less when Im at home. Let's not pretend him having a night out doesn't benefit you as well. If you do, thats another red flag right there. If he learns that he can enjoy that aspect of his life and still be with you at the same time it will be the best of both worlds. And if you've found yourself the right man, he won't. Let him know you wont stand for his disrespectful ways. Events from the past and other relationships may have shaped these jealous feelings. Why do I get anxious when my boyfriend goes out? However, if they keep their financials separate, and hes able to pay all of his bills on time and put some $ into savings, Im not sure shed have much of an argument. If the career, health and/or legal ramifications he may face from drinking so much without a designated (I hope he at least has THAT when hes out drinking) dont get him to cut back, it sounds as if hes set in his drinking ways. If he is out all night having "fun" and doing all this ****, hes not up to the challenge for being your boyfriend. I was always okay with it because I had to work late at my job that night doing inventory. He stays out all night and turns the ringer off, pfffft. That being said, I do absolutely believe that some people CAN change in life, I just had not picked one of them. Does he go out every night with his friends or more than three times this week, if so, I would try to set boundaries with him. We got married very young (She was 18, I was 19), but we knew what we were doing and at the time it seemed like a great idea. DENNIS: Yes, some men may settle down on their own. But if it concerns you and the future you want with him, you have every right to bring it up. 7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship By accepting this behavior now, the LW has established that this dynamic is okay with her. More than once a week and I get tired, crabby, and overwhelmed. He worked a 12hr day no problem, his friends had no idea about his problem, his family wasnt aware for a very long time. I never wanted to be a crazy, needy pregnant girlfriend, and would even encourage him to go have fun with his buddies before. (Im lookin at you Art & Dave), Please just call me Mr. I also agree with other commenters who have brought up communication problems, but heres the thing: I dont understand people who have the energy and desire to go out 3-4 nights a week. They make you feel bad about yourself. I feel like people who cant talk to their SO about a serious issue may be keeping secretswhich is never good. Im sorry you went through that. He denies he has a problem, is able to function after drinking half a bottle of. What to Expect supports Group Black Opens a new window and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. 1. She has had a relatively difficult upbringing, with her family heavily into the illicit drug scene, and her . He just doesn't want to break up because he can't be bothered. Organize a trip to your favorite local restaurant, go see a movie . He was super considerate about it once I explained why. So I asked him and he said the girl bit him. At the same time you need to negotiate some sort of compromise that doesnt cut him off from what he enjoys and you need. He continues to say that, because a girlfriend may make more emotional requests of him, men feel like they can be themselves more around their male friends. Whether he is hooking up with another girl or not, I'd question why he would be drunk often. Also, he doesnt really go out that much so i dont really mind, its not like hes out partying every day, he maybe goes out once a month or so. Ive broken up with him 3 times in the 6 yrs we`ve been together, But always take him back cos im a (sad) and lonely single mom. You should definitely talk to him about your expectations. It can feel like persistent worry or fear. Ok. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. I know it might be a challenge but just say hey i love you a lot but im feeling a little troubled lately. However, i have never told him to not go out with his friends or things like that. Sure, we cant just assume that hes an alcoholic based on the information in this letter, but that much alcohol a night and that many nights a week is excessive for a grown-ass man. Like most women, you may be wondering what to do when your boyfriend hardly calls you or doesn't text you. I really do believe that the right guy will give you a feeling of warmth and confidence no matter what he does. We filed for divorce a few months after. And he might even drink MORE because he wouldnt have to worry about a DUI or cab fare. Your Partner Exhibits Controlling Behavior Hiraman/E+/Getty Images Perhaps your partner tries to control what you do and when you do it. If he accuses you of trying to control him or of being a party pooper if and when you try to discuss it with him, thats textbook addict behaviour: deny, deflect, dissemble. But when it seems to be an all night thing and it's an always and never, those are telling signs that something isn't normal. I love him but he doesn't seem to put any effort. That's a different matter. wha My Boyfriend doesn't like if I call him from his name. All of which enabled my denial. The only reason I could find for this was that he likes to drink and feels he has to go out to do so. I hope you feel better the next time he goes out!! they go to a bar for trivia night and 25 cent wings. At 38 weeks its totally reasonable to want some more emotional support and him physically there too - especially in case you go into labor. Is it okay when your partner stays out all night without you? It sounds like the LW already nagged him too much about drinking and therefore hes been driven out of the house any time he wants to enjoy a few beers. Yet, he holds down a demanding job. The constant fighting wouldn't help either, and I'd say that the relationship could be headed towards a breakup unless he wants to pay more attention to you. Is He Serious About Me? 11 Signs He's For Real | Zoosk and remind him that you both can talk about anything! Will he ever settle down on his own? So she keeps sending snapchats.. but wont text/call me. Have a wonderful Sunday. Sorry if I am coming off as catty, but sometimes it just happens that way. Will definitely look into purchasing one. Also i have OCD with intrusive thoughts that revolve about being a bad person. Just enjoy life and enjoy the relationship, take it day by day and go with the flow. I had a similar attitude except I was in my 20s. Like Dave said, I would let him drink around you. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. So many things and passions you can do, and you will have so much fun, you will get out of your head (sometimes as women we get in our own heads too much and anxiety and insecurity, jealousy set in). People rarely change think how hard it is to change yourself, now you can see why its so impossible for someone else to change for another person (wife, future kids, etc. For your mental well-being, this core belief needs to be replaced by a core belief that is true to reality. Im not mad. But if you think he is being really disrespectful, then break up. If you dont or cant do that then it is time to MOA and find yourself a real relationship. Hes not a college kid hes in his 30s. Also, one of his friends who follows me on instagram, uploaded some instastories and i had to watch them to relieve my anxiousness. I agree with Dave. My boyfriend goes out every weekend and every night to the pub - Quora Im not a social person. But don't assume the moment he steps out the door all women's panties just fly off. Can anyone help me? Slowly but surely signs of alcoholism started to rear their head, despite my denial. Also i really dont think i would go out with all his male friends, i would be constantly worried about being judged by them. It is very difficult to live believing that you are a bad person. Once you've ruled that out, it's time to dig a little deeper. If you would like, please do. I think its really inaccurate to just assume hell settle down on his own when you start a family. I would not have kids with this man and serious question a future with him. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. Think about what your boyfriends choices mean. But theyre raised with it and seem less likely to develop addictions than Americans. It seems to imply that all of life up until family-time is unfolding in some kind of free-floating, stuff-just-happens world. No one can answer that because there is no way of telling. If you love animals, volunteer at an animal shelter or animal shelter/SPCA, volunteer at a soup kitchen. What I do is establish a bit of a routine. As long as he doesn't get home drunken or high, that is quite innocent, in my opinion. He should be calling you